so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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