there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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