Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
