Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he was CRYING into my vagina
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
