well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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