I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
