I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wish there were birth control emojis
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
