I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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