we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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