I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
