First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
