I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
