Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
