just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
