my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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