what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
