It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
