Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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