Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
