Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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