I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
