Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
