Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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