Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
