Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
