Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
