Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
