My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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