why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
