So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
A bitchslap is in order.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
