I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
