talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
