Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Someone shit on the floor
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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