he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
