well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
