Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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