He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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