the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
