i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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