dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He better not be in your backpack
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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