Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
