Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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