I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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