he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
