i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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