So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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