You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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