Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
