I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
