it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
