I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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